Fatigue

I see it in the eyes of the people here whom I care for and love. I see it in the (now bigger than I have noticed before) dark circles under their eyes. I read it on my computer screen and Samsung mobile in the messages we exchange. I notice it as the number of “sad smiley faces” appear more often in the vocabulary of those messages. And I hear it when they tell me: “Not good…,” “I’m struggling …,” “I don’t know what to do…” More worrying, probably, is when someone doesn’t say these things or write them down in messages. When I can just see their eyes are somewhere else, scared. Their actions are hurried, uncertain, as if something is after them. As if they are avoiding the reality of slowing down and talking…

The people here whom I care for and love are tired. They have been running this race for too long. They have been living with insecurity and pressure for too many months (or is it years) now.

And as much as I fear that some of them have given up on life, happiness, love and peace, I fear more, maybe, for those who believe that the only way out of this is to do more, work harder, be more innovative. As if they fear that the moment they will look up from the busyness associated with their “grindstone,” they will discover a world and a life they don’t like – one they fear, don’t recognize and in which they cannot see themselves in the future.

Seeing this, I wonder about the power of the human spirit. How many disasters can one people withstand before they give up on life and the wonders waiting to be discovered? How long before fatigue sets in and the giants, the pioneers and the trailblazers for a better future are too tired to continue their quest?

And I’m worried about these people I care for and love and about the future of their country. Worried about the fatigue that’s setting in on their faces, in their eyes and in their spirits. Because being here now is different from being here four months ago.

I should have known, though, because a friend said to me a few months ago: “May will be different…”

* Picture: Tharaka Basnayaka